I went to bed pretty early last night, I was shattered, as soon as I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, I was running up those stairs agains, the sites, smells and sounds were all there. I must have eventually dropped off… but not for long, I awoke sweating and had been dreaming again, another sea related one, don’t know if that is a coincidence… I do like the see though 😉. The sea was rising around me and I was just climbing higher up the hill/rock face type affair. Before I went to bed, my parents popped round, they had a card for me, a card from a complete stranger, well to me anyway, a person that I have never met, wanted to wish me well and send thanks, it upset me as I was reading it. Then I got to sit with my little girl on my knee, snuggling up, just before she went to bed, luckily she had her back to me really and couldn’t see the tears rolling down my face, me, being so lucky was just going through my mind.
When I got up in the morning, I went to my daughters bedroom and opened the door, she was sat up reading, with a DVD on in the back ground, her big eyes and wayward hair made me smile.
Nothing like quick browse on the tinterweb and Facebook to wind me up. To see that all the first responders were invited to the station for the opening this morning, was a little upsetting, I didn’t get an invite, is that because I’m not a civil servant and just a whopper..? Then I find myself wanting to comment on people’s posts but bite my tongue…thumbs, or whatever… posts that say that Abedi won’t be buried in greater Manchester, well, having seen him, I know that there isn’t actually that much that could be buried. Another really annoying newspaper story that say that a girl staggered out and fell into the arms of a paramedic… bollocks, absolute bollocks! The girl in question was inside the foyer and the paramedics were not allowed in by the police for quite some time in fear of a second device, my colleague kneeled with her, helped and comforted her until the paramedics could get in and then she was carried out. The media and the facts, the people taking ‘credit’ for things is so frustrating. We got a ‘mention’ of sorts, being part of the railway staff that were first on scene, but we were THE first on scenes, with the BTP officers, it goes on to say that there were walking wounded… no, no there wasn’t, nobody was moving when we got there, it was dark, smokey, quiet! I definitely don’t feel part of it, I feel like we’ve been left out to dry really. May I add, I don’t want a pat on the back, just the truth, why make shit up and fill in the blanks with whatever story..?
You may well have guessed I’m a bit bitter today. I’ve not really had a good day, don’t know why, just been down, my daughter has made me smile so many times whilst she’s been at home with me, but… I just can’t place it, felt down pretty much all day. Even a surprise bottle of beer that my wife bought for me, although it was nice and greatly appreciated, didn’t lift my spirits.
I am hoping that I can snap out of it tomorrow, I would like to do something with my daughter, just the two of us, something fun, something that we will both remember and something that will make us both smile, for different reasons.